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The Pain

I used to call him "Dad" before all of this began. Now, that word simply refuses to come out of my mouth. I've been slapped, had burning coffee thrown over me, punched, locked up in my room for weeks. But none of them compared to what he did to me today. 

As usual, he came home drunk. But unlike other days, today he barged into my room directly. It scared me to death. The look in his eyes told me, I'll have to go through hell again today. He came towards me, grabbed me by my hair and threw me onto the bed. That's when I realized what is about to happen to me. I tried to beg, he wouldn't listen. There was this strange grin on his face and the smell of alcohol. He ripped out my clothes, I started to fight. I couldn't though, he was too strong. He always was.

What followed next was 15 minutes of horror. All I can remember is the pain and the smell of alcohol. The pain emanating from my lower body was immense, but I couldn't groan. I was in a shock over what was happening to me. 

Although the horror ended, and the devil had left my room, the pain arising out of my lower body caused the vivid images of the act kept repeating itself in my mind. I could not bear it. I felt a strong desire to put a bullet through my head. I was holed up in the corner of my room. I couldn't even look up, all strength in my body had washed away.

Then, I wanted coffee. A cup of hot coffee. Somehow I managed to stand up. I slowly made my way to the kitchen. I could hear the devil upstairs, but it didn't matter. The moment I stepped into the kitchen, a strange feeling swept through my body. Then I lost control. It was like the rational me had stepped back and allowed the hurt me to take over my body. I saw myself move across the room and grab the knife resting in its place. I saw myself slowly move up the stairs and towards that devil's room. I saw myself grab hold of the doorknob, twist it, open the door and enter it.

I saw him lying on the bed and my heart leaped, I took one step into the room and saw my mom, holed up in the corner, sobbing. The rational me regained control of my body. I turned back and headed down the stairs with a smile and a red afterimage in my eyes.

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